Poker Jokes - Laughs About Poker Games

Poker jokes can help you loosen up and even improve your game. Laughing about poker makes playing it more fun! Tell your opponent a joke, and you may catch him off guard.

Poker Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock knock!
Poker who?
Poke 'er again and she will bite you!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Holdem who?
Hold dem up so I can see dem.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Omaha who?
Oh, ma had to go.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Hugo who?
Hugo to the poker game, I'm staying home.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Ida who?
Ida folded too if I'd been holding three and six unsuited.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Auntie who?
Ante up.

Top Ten Reasons to Suspect Your Opponent is Cheating

  1. Seems to always be finding cards in his sleeves
  2. Insists that there really is a joker in Texas Hold'em
  3. His cards have a hole punched through them.
  4. Insists that stars are a suit; after all, they are a marshmallow
  5. Promises to take care of your cards for you
  6. Has a friend with a mirror standing behind you
  7. Pretends to be blind but has no trouble knowing what suit he holds
  8. Brought his own chips from home
  9. Keeps shouting “Wow, look over there!”
  10. There are four aces on the board and he has a pocket ace.

Top Ten Ways to Know Your Opponent is New to Poker

  1. Can't manage to hold two pocket cards in one hand
  2. Calls the five of clubs the 'five of clovers'
  3. Gets upset that he can't find any elevens.
  4. Lifts his money in order to 'raise' his bet
  5. Calls spades 'upside down black hearts with a stem'
  6. Asks you to 'give me all your eights'
  7. Thinks you need a phone to call
  8. When he's on the button, he gives a blindfold to the the guy on his right
  9. When asked how many chips he has, starts counting his fries
  10. Takes off an item of clothing every time he loses a hand

Poker in Marriage

Johnny was always playing poker. Every night, he'd go to a different game, and he'd always lose. He played against new players and lost. He played against old players and lost. He even played against little kids and lost. Every night, Johnny's wife would ask him how much he'd lost, and every night, she'd yell at him and tell him to quit the darned poker game. One night, Johnny went to a new poker game at a new bar. He was out very late, and when he got home, his wife was waiting up. He looked at her seriously and began to explain. “I'm sorry. I met a woman at the bar and we started to dance, and one thing led to another and we were up in her room and it just happened...” His wife cut him off. “Stop lying. How much did you lose tonight?”